I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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