I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
