Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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