awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
