He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
