I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
