Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
