So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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