so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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