I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
