whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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