batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
