Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
