Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
