Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
