it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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