Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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