those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ok first of all what the fuck
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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