Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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