You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
