I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
