I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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