i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
