This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
