It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
