I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
