had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
