State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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