Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
