How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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