Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think people are normalizing furries
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
