So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize