I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
