he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
