had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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