McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
