Too much gin, very little bucket
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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