just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
