Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
