There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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