nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
