He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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