Got a toothbrush?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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