Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
ttyl tear gas
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
