you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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