Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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