I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
