I'm gonna have a badass scar
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
