they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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