You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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