Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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