Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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