You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
