just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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