I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Someone shattered a urinal.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize