My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to calm my uterus...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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