Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
