Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
