"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
