There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
