He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
