Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
