Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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