this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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