Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
