I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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