dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
