he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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