so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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