Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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