i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
