someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
