I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
