Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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