if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
