Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
