I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
