your room smells of hookers.
And success
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
