either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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