Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
